A Halloween Experiment
Halloween is a chance to put on a costume and try on other parts of ourselves — our playful side, our adventurous side, or even the parts we usually keep hidden.
Hello Everyone,
Happy Halloween — and happy anniversary to my parents, who have been married for 44 years!
It's been seven weeks since my nephrectomy, and for the first time in a while, I'm achieving some level of stability. Speaking of Halloween and things that are scary, I hesitate to write this because I'm afraid it could change.
A few weeks ago, I journaled about feeling restless — craving adventure but frustrated by my limitations. It's amazing how much a few weeks can shift things physically. I’m now able to walk further and drive longer. I’m experimenting, trying to ease that restless feeling, and noticing small acts of bravery within myself. It’s a balance between wanting to do things and not overdoing it, testing my limits carefully.
Being post-surgery and post-injury, I’m aware of both my body’s fragility and its newfound strength. To test it, I took a slow loop through a flat part of the woods in my neighborhood, stopping to stretch often. Bit by bit, I realized: I can hike again!
Craving a little adventure, I drove out to Harpers Ferry one morning to write from a coffee shop — and I took the back roads to get there. What used to be an easy drive now required planning and brought anxiety: when to leave for optimal energy, how long to stay, where to grab a kidney-friendly snack, and when to head home to avoid total fatigue.
As I drove those back roads, I felt myself settle into the fall leaves and rolling hills. Mile after mile, my mind finally quieted. I made it to the coffee shop for a snack, walked around a bit, and then fatigue hit — a full-body exhaustion. As I drove home, I talked to friends to stay alert, made it back, and slept for three hours. The whole next day I was tired, but in a good way, like I used to feel after hiking a 14,000-foot mountain back when I lived in Colorado. My mind less chatty, my body satisfied. After the trip, I realized: I can take small adventures again, in moderation!
It made me think: Halloween is a chance to put on a costume and try on other parts of ourselves — our playful side, our adventurous side, or even the parts we usually keep hidden.
In many ways, these last two weeks have been similar for me. I'm testing out this part of myself that's adventurous and needs movement. It's a little scary, and I don't always know what to expect, but I'm figuring out what's possible. Because if I don't experiment, I never know.
Wishing you a happy Halloween.
With love,
Danielle
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